FEAR: The Obstacle to Rain Making Success
by Gary Pines
Mental barriers to doing what we must to bring in business hamper us far more than do lack of skill or time. These mental habits are invisible parasites that suck away our vigor, making it hard to perform. They attack us in many circumstances:
- I am about to make a phone call to someone I have not spoken to in six months. I go to the phone. I get ready to pick up the receiver … and then I hesitate as worries race through my mind. She won’t remember me. She won’t want to talk with me. Why haven’t I called her sooner? I have no great idea to give her. She probably won’t be there anyway. I just remembered that I have to finish working on a project. The phone call doesn’t get made.
- I attend an association meeting intending to meet prospective clients. The room is full of people chatting in small groups. Again, doubts undermine my determination: These people aren’t interested in me. They will think that I am just trying to sell them something. This will never work. My thoughts are interrupted by a former colleague, and I spend the rest of the event with him.
- During a three-hour flight my seat mate turns on her computer, the desktop has the logo of a company I have wanted to have as a client for years. I think briefly of starting a conversation, but say to myself: She’s going to think I’m weird. This is such a long shot, it’s not worth it. At the end of the flight, we go our separate ways without have shared a word.
There are many situations where we doubt our Rain Making intentions and hesitate; whether it be asking for a catching-up meeting, inviting someone to an event, asking personal questions about their kids and vacations, or asking for the business.
So … why do we hesitate? Why do we hear two voices in our head arguing with each other, the positive voice saying “Do it’” the negative one giving all the reasons not to. The simple answer to why we hesitate is … FEAR. We all FEAR something bad will happen. And if something bad happens, we will be in some kind of trouble.
Trouble can be as easily understood by using FEAR as an acronym:
F … I don’t want Failure
E … I don’t want Embarrassment
A … And
R … I don’t want Rejection
Failure, Embarrassment And Rejection are a real problem if they interfere with your professional work.
But, Failure, Embarrassment And Rejection are a natural part of being a successful Rainmaker. You will not be successful as a Rainmaker unless you bust through FEAR.So … if you can break through the barrier of FEAR when developing business … and accept (and even celebrate) failures, embarrassments and rejections … then your chances of new business success go up. But it takes practice.
Here are some things you can do:
- Identify situations where FEAR takes over. Some people fear making phone calls, some mixing in a crowd of people they don’t know, and still others something else. Articulate to yourself clearly what situations bring out the negative voice of the parasite, FEAR.
- Recognize and name it when FEAR inserts itself. Now that you understand what brings out FEAR, when it comes, stop for a moment and acknowledge what is happening: “This is irrational fear speaking. It doesn’t always speak the truth. Accepting its words as if they were true will set back my career.”
- Do a logical assessment of the risk you face and use that to dispel FEAR. Listen to the specific words of the little voice and assess their truthfulness. If the voice says, She doesn’t want to talk with me, you might conclude We always got along well. There is no reason to believe it is otherwise now.
- Seek out situations where you can overcome FEAR. Push yourself to test the truthfulness of FEAR in a situation where logic tells you that the little voice is not speaking the truth. Once you have completed the action assess again whether FEAR was rationally justified.
- Once you have succeeded in a slightly fearful situation, up the ante by seeking out situations which would cause greater FEAR. Try again it a more fearful situation. And again assess the truthfulness.
- Repeat the process. Eventually, you will learn to manage FEAR instead of it managing you.
How unfortunate it would be if you let irrational FEAR stand in the way to your success. Most of us have helped a child face and overcome unnecessary fear that stood in the way of his or her success. We did it using a process similar to the one described here. FEAR is not restricted to any age. At any age it is best to face it, recognize it for what it is, an irrational, loudmouth bogeyman, who will not stand up to the light.
