Don’t Get Cornered! The Art of Breaking Away from a Conversation
By Gary Pines
I attend breakfast, lunch and dinner events. I attend conferences and seminars. I attend to network and to meet people, and to learn what’s going on in my market. But I do not meet enough people. I seem to get stuck talking with one person, spending half an hour when I should have moved on after a ten-minute conversation. What can I do to change this?
This is a common scenario. We do not meet enough people at events, even though that was our primary reason for going. As a rule of thumb, we should talk to no less than four people over half an hour of mixing, unless, of course, we team up with an important client or prospective client who wants to talk to us about something important. Instead of working the room, we let ourselves get stuck with one person.
To fix the problem, it helps to understand why we let it happen, in the first place. There are three reasons. First, we, ourselves, feel awkward starting conversations, so staying with one lets us avoid having to do so.
Second, it relieves us of the awkwardness of standing alone, trying to decide who to try to strike up with a conversation next and how to do it.
Third, we don’t want to be rude or to hurt someone’s feelings in the way we break off a conversation. Social inertia makes it easier to continue talking with one person, rather than to go out and find others.
Knowing how to break away from a conversation promptly and tactfully alleviates many of these problems. You can escape by saying any of the following:
1. I really have enjoyed our conversation. I know we both want to meet more people. Let’s exchange business cards and keep in touch (or if you do not want to exchange cards, Maybe we can reconnect later.)
2. I really have enjoyed our conversation. But I need to look for and find the people I invited (or the people that invited me).
3. Do you know Mary Smith? Mary, come over here for a minute, please. I’d like to introduce you to John Doe. He has been telling me about how his firm deals with X. Have you been faced with that issue. Note: after the introduction you can excuse yourself.
Try out these or similar words and see how many more people you can meet at the events you attend.
Note: Many people recommend the I-must-refresh-my-drink escape. I don’t find it effective, because, too often your contact wants another drink, too.
