Rain Making Problem #3: Expecting Mother
Among the people I am now coaching are two expecting mothers at different firms. Both are first time mothers. One made partner last year and the other hopes to be put up for partnership within the next couple of years. Both want to know what they can do to minimize the loss of momentum during maternity leave.
Surely, there are readers better qualified to answer this question than I. To be honest, I usually refer these cases to my partner, Mimi Spangler. Mimi suggests that it often helps to think in terms of things you can do in the three stages of maternity leave:
- Before: How do you prepare your contacts for your absence and prepare yourself to maintain market awareness during your leave.
- During: What must you do at minimum and what additional might you do.
- After: How do you speed up your reentry into the market.
You men would do well to read the responses, too, because you may one day be married to or managing someone with this question. You may take a leave of absence, yourself, some day and have a similar concern.
What would you advise these women to do? Feel free to comment on all three of the stages or just on one or two. In your comment please let us know of the kind of professional firm you work for.
November 6th, 2008 at 4:43 am
This may not be a popular comment, but my advice would be to focus on your new baby, and do not let your career overtake what is most important in life. I say this having just become a new parent in the last year and having left a large law firm to start my own firm so that I can structure my life in a way that includes me being there to experience the early moments of a new child with my family. There is a tendency to want to get right back to normal and try to keep everything going as it was, but a new baby changes plans and creates a new normal where things may not ever go back to being exactly as they were, and that’s not a bad thing.
The best approach I have found is to integrate your new situation in life with your marketing. Many of your potential clients are parents, too, and they will have a natural connection with you. Rather than try to hide the fact that you will be out for a while or trying to rush right back into things, let people know that you are a new parent and that it is important to you. Many will have a tremendous amount of respect for that.
You may also find that your potential market changes. For whatever reason some people are annoyed by working with someone balancing work and parenting, and you may find that some people you used to connect well with are not people that you have as much in common with anymore. Things that used to work may not work any longer and your marketing strategy may need to change to reflect that. Be flexible.
To put it in the form above:
Before - recognize that unlike many other things you’ve done in life, this isn’t going to go according to your plan. You may not know how long you will be out, for example. Someone that has a C-section is going to be out longer than someone that has a natural birth because of the longer recovery time. Sometimes complications for the baby or mother extend your hospital stay longer than expected. Only if you are very lucky you get home and have a baby that sleeps all day and you find time to get enough sleep yourself and still do a few hours work in a day. Bottom line, make sure you have coverage from your coworkers if the unexpected happens and that clients know your plans.
During - Likely neither your or your husband are getting enough sleep, you are both adjusting to a very new situation, and it is overwhelming. Just getting showered and eating three meals a day can be difficult. You may be able to attend some marketing/networking events, but someone has to be scheduled to watch the baby. Make sure your husband is prepared to do this by making sure you give him long stretches (an hour or so) alone with the baby before the critical moment. Also recognize that you will have new challenges and you should double the time for everything you used to do. For example, if you are breast feeding, you are going to have to make time to pump milk before you go to an event so the baby can be bottle fed while you are gone. Even the process of getting ready is more difficult, because clothes may not fit like they used to and it may be harder to present the professional appearance you want. Babies also like to spit up on you right as you get ready to leave.
After - by this point you will have a routine down that works half the time, but this is a big transition for the baby. You are going from a time where you were around all day, to a time where someone else is taking care of your child. Maybe you are lucky enough to have your spouse or family member at home with the baby, otherwise it is a nanny or daycare. Same issues with breastfeeding above, which means you need extra time in your day and you are carrying around a bag of equipment everywhere you go. You may detect a noticeable change in your baby’s demeanor when you return (anger, separation anxiety, etc.). This is the hardest time for many people and you often see one of three strategies: 1) try to act exactly as before by getting full time childcare and doing your best to focus during the day, 2) trying to work out a part time arrangement with varying degrees of success, or 3) finding an alternative work arrangement, sometimes by deciding to stay at home, changing careers, and so on.
Overall it is a big change and you should be prepared for that. There is no one size fits all solution for everyone, but preparation helps.
November 6th, 2008 at 8:10 am
I have asked my partner, Mimi Spangler, to respond to comments on this post, her experiences being more recent and far more relevant than mine.
Ford Harding
November 6th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Thanks Mason for some valuable insights. It is clear that the challenges expectant and new moms face is top of mind for you! When asked about what women in this situation should do to maintain their presence in the marketplace during maternity, I often share my experience as a business owner and mom of two young children. At this wonderful phase of my life with a young family you begin to realize that to be truly happy and effective in the marketplace, you have to love what you do because balancing work and kids presents significant logistical and emotional challenges. If you don’t, then this may be the time to rethink your career goals and direction.
I also agree with Mason that the moms should feel empowered to dictate how to best integrate their work and personal life versus following corporate protocol and presented options. Several leading women rainmakers in professional services and consulting have told me that at their own risk within leading consulting giants, they pursued more localized clients with a vengance to maximize their mommy time and simplify THEIR schedules. In my recent article on women rainmakers, one said, ““Early on I spent too many years on planes every week. I decided that I needed to develop a local business or find another profession after I married and then proceeded to have four children in six years. In addition, I fundamentally believe that the consulting business is disadvantaged if your operating model keeps you on an airplane 10 to 20 hours per week. You cannot develop client relationships on an airplane!
November 7th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I have personally experienced this dilemma (of business development vs. maternity leave) as a “both-and” situation as opposed to “either-or.” My 3rd son was born on May 29th and (much to my surprise) June was a record sales month for me.
In early May (assuming that the baby would be born in June), I sent personal e-mail messages to the key contacts in my network letting them know that I would be out-of-pocket for most of the summer. I had been in conversations with many of them about potential projects, but nothing seemed likely to happen anytime soon. My intention was to keep the leads “warm” and simply let people know that I probably wouldn’t be contacting them for a few months. Interestingly, this drove many of them to say “Let’s go ahead and get this project started now!”
I also sent my contacts an electronic birth announcement after my son was born. I simply utilized a distribution list format, but received lots of wonderful personal replies from people I hadn’t heard from in ages. This triggered even more new business by reigniting some relationships which had gone fairly stagnant.
For me, the flexibility of e-mail has allowed me to stay connected with people in a very genuine / authentic manner while also honoring the special bonding time with my little one.
November 10th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
A strong career woman having a baby — if this isn’t “war of the worlds” then I don’t know what is. But having done it three times, here’s what I think every new mom/senior professional needs to know — first, three months goes by fast. second, your colleagues and contacts won’t forget you. third, leaving on maternity leave is a GREAT opportunity to tell everyone you work with how much you care about them and how much you will miss them. fourth, the people who work under you will have an excellent opportunity to step up and shine. And finally, put that blackberry down! You are a woman and a mammal and a mamma, and now is the time to learn how to do all of these superbly!!
November 10th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Nothing is certain or the same when you have a child and my own daughter continues to challenge me on this fact more than 2 years later. I’m not sure I can add to what others have said but I’ll just reiterate that you truly won’t know what it will feel like until you are in the situations that you will be in as a new parent. I stressed that I wouldn’t want to came back and then was dying to be back… I stressed about money and it was a challenge but I survived. I even changed jobs thinking that I would want less stress at work and then was truly bored and unmotivated at the new job. In other words, I tried to plan for what I could not. I also have plenty of comrades in arms that worked from home for years or even did other things to balance their life in the way that felt best to them. You won’t know until you don’t feel like something is right and then you’ll realize you need to change things.
As for during, well infants sleep great in crowded restaurants and many of my connections and long time friends were thrilled to see a sleeping baby over coffee or lunch and it gave me a great chance to get out and practice being a parent on the go. Mom’s groups helped me grow as a parent and in many cases expanded my network without me even realizing it. Don’t stress about work or even attending major functions. If you really feel like working try writing an article, helping out a local organization or charity, or even doing some research while on leave (I got most of my MBA while bouncing a kid in a Bjorn on a big exercise ball… even more productive than many coffee shop sessions I had before I gave birth). And yes, let the other half have a turn
I feel like the after is more about setting new routings. You might need to set new hours at work, stick to breaks more, delegate more, even shift roles (this can be a good thing remember). I left plenty of 4 hour meetings for 20 mins and dove to a bathroom – not much happened while I was gone). Also, get good support groups going to help you in achieve your small daily goals (and I do mean start small). I was shocked at how supportive and attentive people were when I said it was 5:05 and I just had to go. But I was also available at 3 am to review a proposal! You never know…
November 10th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Christina’s approach to keeping in touch with her contacts is noteworthy because what many expectant mothers don’t realize is that your clients, both male and female, really do want to know details of your maternity, like when you are leaving, when you are coming back and not surprisingly, if you had a boy or girl?!
I suggest that expectant moms personally call their contacts before they head off on maternity and provide the date that they plan to leave, date they plan to return and an alternate company contact in their absence. Client appreciate the courtesy call and it is a great “reason to call” many people to simply reconnect or place yourself top of mind with them. I suggest that moms also pick up the phone to call their contacts when they return to do the same. Most people will feel happy for you before and after your pregnancy, so let them share in your happiness! They’re human too and many have kids of their own!
November 10th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Abby sums up what expectant moms should think about, but her comment, “. . . put the blackberry down” is probably the most important point. Three or four months of maternity leave flies by with lightning speed and the last thing you want to worry about at that time is what you should be doing to keep up your visibility in the marketplace. This is the time to just be a mom and enjoy bonding with your new little one.
For reporting purposes though I will share with you what some of the women rainmakers I know did during maternity that may be possible to some. When they read magazines or newspapers they made a more focussed effort to clip and send articles to relevant contacts. During some free time, they searched the web and did research on their areas of expertise, competitors and clients.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Stacy’s comment, “I tried to plan for what I could not. . .” is a good message for expectant new moms. As all of us provide great ideas for how, from a work perspective, to plan for being offline for several months, in the end it is up to the new mom to decide how important or necessary it is to remain connected to the office. Returning to work requires the most adjustment. Your multi-tasking and time management skills are put to the real test. Many of the women rainmakers I talked to recognize that after kids, their schedules became more fixed with limited room to compromise in the morning and at the end of the day. If you have revenue targets, are responsible for bringing in new business and have billable targets these “fixed schedules” require you to efficiently plan the non-billable client development and networking time. Every non-billable gap in your schedule should be evaluated in advance several days or weeks to see if you can see or talk with clients or network contacts. Brief lunches with someone other than yourself become more the norm. . . .then the next “to-do list” kicks in when you walk in the door to your home!