Ford,

Thank you for posting my prior email for discussion. I truly appreciate all of the helpful comments and suggestions that you and each of the commentators provided. They were very helpful and I anticipate making good use of them.

Once again, thanks to you and each of the commentators.

“Larry”

That’s a helpful example. Thanks.

Ford Harding

Regarding my reference to “something else of value”, I dunno. Have to get creative here. I have in the past sponsored tables at private economic forecast luncheons for my clients. I set it up such that the referrer would have an opportunity to meet some of my other clients in the same context with the clients that the referrer brought me into. Thus, while I’m not necessarily giving the referrer a direct referral, I’m giving him an opportunity to develop rapport with some people that spend consulting money with me and make his own case.

The client’s best interests must always come first and, as you say, when well served as demonstrated by the praise given by former clients are the most important motivation when choosing whom to refer. In many cases that is all one needs to get. It is not, of course, the only reason people network. There is one thing that makes me feel better than a wow report from a client about someone I referred. That’s getting a referral from that person, too. The best networkers, in my experience, are biased towards helping people and give a lot without any expectation of return. But they are also savvy about their giving to increase the chances of a return. Yes, there is a calculated element to this, but it isn’t mercenary, devious or totally self serving. It’s business, even enlightened business.

Good to hear from you.

Ford Harding

Thank you for this comment and its clear statement of your approach to networking. I too have people I give referrals to and get none in return and I don’t believe you can force things. Still, my approach differs from yours-I do look for some sign that the other person recognize that I, too, need some help in making my way through the world. I would feel uncomfortable taking the leads if I felt I was less than clear about my limited ability to give leads back. That doesn’t make me right or you wrong, and I appreciate your putting your approach in a comment.

Ford Harding

These are all good points. Imbalance in the ability to help between two network contacts is a complex subject, as you suggest. I suspect that someone senior to Larry in the firm is directing where referrals go. Larry is trying to build his practice, but doesn’t control referrals to the kind of firm that is giving him leads.

I endorse the kind of frank discussion you mention. Sometimes it takes three or four meetings with a person to figure out how you can help them. The demonstration of a sense of urgency and obligation to give back in some form the help a person receives is one of the things you look for in a network contact. If they don’t have that sense at some level, they usually don’t make good contacts. We must show it to those who help us. I can be infinitely patient with someone who tries to keep the help-giving mutual. It’s when they show no sign of trying that I begin to look elsewhere. Your response reeks of sincere effort. That’s one of the things that makes you a good networker.

Ford Harding

If the other guy is “on the ball” he should realise that you will already have established referral relationships with other similar service providers to him. His strategy should be to figure out how to dislodge your other referral partners (who, I assume are also referring to you) or get in as an additional partner – rather than just assuming you will be able to immediately reciprocate. If he simply refers more to you, that could lead to replacement of one of your existing partners. Or perhaps he can offer services in a niche that others can’t – that would lead to referrals for that niche initially – and then perhaps more over time.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that while you might not be able to refer the same volume back to him; that may still be OK in his eyes – he may get “more” from each referral if they result in large pieces of work or longstanding relationships. I find, for example, that accountants are often able to refer more volume-wise to lawyers – but that a referral to an accountant often gives them them a client for life rather than a one-off transaction.

I know it feels uncomfortable, but I’ve found that if you gird your loins you can begin to have a straight discussion with the referrer about what you can feasibly do for them. You can clarify your current position and have a creative discussion about what might work for them and how you could have a productive relationship. You might find there are things you could do for them, or different types of referral (for exampel to other introducers) that may be just as valuable. You can’t figure this out on your own – you need to talk to them.

Ian

I agree completely, but if someone is hoping for leads–with no quid pro quo or expectation of immediate referral–and you believe you can’t or you won’t refer them business ever, what should you do?

1) Go on accepting, without explanation
2) Explain and hope for the best
3) Something else

Ford Harding