Thank you all for your advice. To answer your questions: 1) I believe Mooch good at what he does, but like most of us, he has had some bad times with the good. It’s not a completely clear picture, though mostly good. 2) I do like him, but as Matt sensed, I feel used. I think I have been a friend to him and don’t get real signals of friendship in return. I don’t take it personally; it’s just the way he is. When he wheedles, I feel imposed upon.

I like helping people and do so often without expectation of getting anything back. Many people are looking for work now and I can only refer job seekers so many times to a contact. Because of that, it’s harder to make referrals than it was a year ago. I have to be careful not to wear out my welcome with my contacts. If I refer Mooch, I may not be able to refer the next person.

But it does highlight that this question may turn on whether you really care about Mooch. If you do (as I assumed) you should help him, irrespective of whether you’ll get anything back.

If you don’t (as Matt may have astutely sussed out), it’s time to let the relationship go.

Ian

What evidence does this person have that Mooch is “good at what he does?” Did he work directly with Mooch for a long period of time or was he Mooch’s Manager? Otherwise, I’m not sure how he can say Mooch is good at what he does.

In addition, Mooch is so good at what he does, he’s constantly out of work. Google “Ford Harding Unproductive Network.” It sounds to me like that’s what you got on your hands. From a networking standpoint, dump Mooch.

If you truly cared about Mooch, you would not even have this dilemma. You would have helped him out without a second thought.

You don’t care about Mooch. Mooch could give two hoots about you. Cut the cord.

That said, you are missing one very important question you need to ask yourself: Are you comfortable recommending this person? Ultimately it is your brand and reputation on the line each time you make a recommendation. I’d start here and if the answer is ‘yes, I am confident in his abilities and work,’ then go forth and help him out. As Ian mentions, worst case is you are helping someone you like and believe in.

Erica

I’d rather put it more simply. If he is a friend then help a friend, all my friends have faults that I find irksome and I put up with them or if its really annoying I’d tell them.

In reality I’d suggest that the reason your friend hasn’t got any referrals to give you is because he doesn’t work that way and just doesn’t know how to produce referrals.

You could as a friend help him to find a job and as payment teach him how to get referrals so he can deliver then to you in the future.

Laurence Ainsworth

As far as I can see, he’s someone you like, and he’s good at what he does (so if you do help him out by referring him, there’s not a high risk that it will backfire).

I’m not really sure what the problem is.

If you help him out, the worst case is that you’ve invested a little time to help out someone you like.

Best case is that the person or organisation you refer him too is grateful for a good recommendation.

Sure, it doesn’t sound like you’ll get a favour returned anytime soon. And it sounds like you’re beginning to get a little resentful that he only ever speaks to you when he wants you to do something for him.

But I can’t see how helping him out does you any harm, other than having to devote a little time to it.

Consider it an investment in the great cosmic karma bank or something.

Ian

In fact I have a couple of relationships where I would be considered the moocher. The most appropriate activity that I have appreciated has been a general slow down in responsiveness to my requests. I think that sends a message without being ultra-negative. I take the hint and slow down my contact as well and I start thinking about what I can give to the relationship to build back my equity with the relationship.

If the moocher doesn’t take the hint or is in panic mode and reaches out continously, then you might empathize with him, telling him its a tough market and I don’t have any leads for you right now, have you thought about doing x, y or z.

I wouldn’t cut off the relationship or burn it because you never know when you might need the bright moocher’s help in the future. But if handle it with half the aplum of working with a client, it should not be that hard to get your point across without crushing him or hurting the relationship.

If he/she crosses the line, you just say no and fain another call. They will get the idea.

Brad