Ways to Start a Conversation
Being introverted, over the years I have tried a number of tactics to minimize the pain of large networking events. I have:
- Arrived late to shorten the event. This proved counterproductive, because mixing is easier if you arrive early and have a small number people talk with than if you arrive late, with the event in full swing and everyone already deeply engaged with each other.
- Stood in a corner waiting for someone to talk with me. A few did, but the pain between these infrequent chats was unbearable.
- Strode purposefully from place to place, though I really had nowhere to go. One can only do this for so long, before feeling foolish.
- Latched onto a friend or colleague for the whole event. This was more comfortable, but defeated the purpose of going in the first-place.
- Wandered around looking for a men’s room other than the one closest to the meeting room. Knowing where all of the conveniences are in a building that I never enter again has not proved particularly useful.
So eventually, I broke down and learned how to start conversations and mingle with the crowd. It’s not so hard if you ask questions that keep other people talking. Most people enjoy being the center of attention and will happily talk away, relieving you of the need to say much or to reveal much about yourself. Here are some things you can ask about:
- The event, itself. These questions put the other person in the position of being an authority, which most people like. Examples: Have you been coming to these meetings for long time? Do you find them useful? What is the mix of attendees usually like?
- A shared experience related to the event. Relationships are based, among other things, on shared experiences, so it doesn’t hurt to start with one. Examples: Did you have as much trouble finding this place as I did? How delayed was your flight getting in last night? Have you found a way to get within 50 feet of the bar?
- A subject cued up by something the other person is wearing. These cues often indicate a passion the person will be delighted to talk about. Examples: Do those anchors on your tie mean that you are a sailor? What is the significance of that lapel pin?
- Their companies, as shown on their name tags. Eventually, you will want to talk about their companies, anyway, so why not start there? Examples: How is Trigestis Pharmaceuticals weathering the current storm? Do you know Duncan Freely or Diana Tucker in your human resources department? Is Trigestis having as much of a struggle as other pharmaceutical companies coming up with new drugs?
- Sports. This is a reliable source of conversation for those who share the interest. (I choke on sports conversations.) Examples: How about them Bears? Did you see the game last night?
- An opinion or insights about a subject already under discussion. If you enter a small-group and find one person dominating conversation, you can draw others in with a question. They will appreciate someone giving them a chance to break in. Examples: Is that true at your company, too, Martin? Gina, how does it work at your company? Bill, did you attend that workshop, too?
Questions like these can greatly eased attending networking events. Asking questions not only makes the event productive for you. It helps others have a better time, too.
December 7th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Many networking events these days have you register on-line and show who else is attending. I usually print out these lists and strategize around who I want to meet and what I want to talk with them about. I also try to learn something about them before meeting them. If they are active in social media, I may read their blog or their recent tweets to see what they are saying.
December 7th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Mike:
These are all good suggestions. If they are on LinkedIn, their bio also may contain useful information.
Ford Harding
December 7th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Boy, the pain minimization tactics are SO familiar to me! Through high school and college and then into business, those were the things I did and which only made things more painful.
What I found that works and which your new tactics describe is to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about the other person. When you show genuine interest in someone else, it not only opens conversational opportunities, but stops the self-consciousness that often plagues introverts in social situations. And the information and insights gleaned from these conversations are often satisfying.
Thanks for this post and the other great information and opportunities for thought your blog has provided me.
December 8th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Like you Ford, networking doesn’t come naturally to me.
Over the years, I’ve gained the confidence to ask questions outside the business sphere. Doing this helps to make a personal connection that goes beyond what can become a quite mechanistic “what do you do?”. In fact, some business networking events seem like conveyor belts where everyone spends 2 minutes with everyone else, asks “what do you do?”, tells them what they do, then moves on without ever really engaging with the other person.
Even asking about the weather, the news, where they came from, sports, etc. can spark a more interesting conversation. And that means they’ll remember you.
At some point you do need to transition to a more business focused discussion. I’ve not found a perfect segue yet. Currently, when the time feels right, I just say “well, I guess we ought to do the old ‘what do you do?’ thing”. (but then perk up my interest level when they tell me).
Ian
December 8th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Robyn:
As you say, focusing on the other person is the key. Someone once advised me to imagine myself as a host who wants to help others have a good time. Thanks for the comment.
Ian:
I like your approach to this. The concept of speed dating never appealed to me and too often networking events feel that way.
Ford Harding