At any networking event we risk getting stuck talking to one individual who would keep us there all night, if we allow it.  I will call this person Lizzie Boredom.  If you spend too much time with her, you lose the benefits of having come to event in the first place.  We need to move away from her as quickly as can be done politely.  At all costs, we must get away before we are trapped into sitting next to her through the entire dinner that follows.   Here are some ways to escape her:

The Old Standby

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You:  Excuse me, Lizzie.  I need to refresh my drink.

The Socially Connected

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You:  Excuse me, Lizzie.  I see someone who I have been trying to reach for a week and I must go talk to her.

The Desperate

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You:  Excuse me, Lizzie.  Before dinner starts, I simply must find a restroom.

The Devious

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You:  Oh, John, come over here for a second.  You should meet Lizzie Boredom.  Lizzie, this is John.

John:   It’s nice to meet you, Lizzie.

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You:  Excuse me, you two.  I see someone I must talk to.

The Deceptive

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You (after subtly punching the speed-dial number for your own cell-phone):  Excuse me, Lizzie, but that’s a call I simply must take.

The Direct

Lizzie Boredom:  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

You:  Well, Lizzie, I’ve enjoyed talking with you, but must circulate to see some other people before the evening is out.  I look forward to seeing you again at the next of these gatherings.

Being introverted, over the years I have tried a number of tactics to minimize the pain of large networking events.  I have:

• Arrived late to shorten the event.  This proved counterproductive, because mixing is easier if you arrive early and have a small number people talk with than if you arrive late, with the event in full swing and everyone already deeply engaged with each other.
• Stood in a corner waiting for someone to talk with me.  A few did, but the pain between these infrequent chats was unbearable.
• Strode purposefully from place to place, though I really had nowhere to go.  One can only do this for so long, before feeling foolish.
• Latched onto a friend or colleague for the whole event.  This was more comfortable, but defeated the purpose of going in the first-place.
• Wandered around looking for a men’s room other than the one closest to the meeting room.  Knowing where all of the conveniences are in a building that I never enter again has not proved particularly useful.

So eventually, I broke down and learned how to start conversations and mingle with the crowd.  It’s not so hard if you ask questions that keep other people talking.  Most people enjoy being the center of attention and will happily talk away, relieving you of the need to say much or to reveal much about yourself.  Here are some things you can ask about:

• The event, itself. These questions put the other person in the position of being an authority, which most people like.  Examples:  Have you been coming to these meetings for long time?  Do you find them useful?  What is the mix of attendees usually like?
• A shared experience related to the event.  Relationships are based, among other things, on shared experiences, so it doesn’t hurt to start with one.  Examples:  Did you have as much trouble finding this place as I did?  How delayed was your flight getting in last night?  Have you found a way to get within 50 feet of the bar?
• A subject cued up by something the other person is wearing.  These cues often indicate a passion the person will be delighted to talk about.  Examples:  Do those anchors on your tie mean that you are a sailor?  What is the significance of that lapel pin?
• Their companies, as shown on their name tags.  Eventually, you will want to talk about their companies, anyway, so why not start there?  Examples:  How is Trigestis Pharmaceuticals weathering the current storm?  Do you know Duncan Freely or Diana Tucker in your human resources department?  Is Trigestis having as much of a struggle as other pharmaceutical companies coming up with new drugs?
• Sports.  This is a reliable source of conversation for those who share the interest. (I choke on sports conversations.)  Examples:  How about them Bears?  Did you see the game last night?
• An opinion or insights about a subject already under discussion.  If you enter a small-group and find one person dominating conversation, you can draw others in with a question.  They will appreciate someone giving them a chance to break in.  Examples:  Is that true at your company, too, Martin?  Gina, how does it work at your company?  Bill, did you attend that workshop, too?

Questions like these can greatly eased attending networking events.  Asking questions not only makes the event productive for you.  It helps others have a better time, too.

(As in previous years, I will only be posting once a week in July and August.)

The word etiquette has a dated, your-great-Aunt-Martha sound.  Not that etiquette, itself, is out of date; the need for it is greater than ever.  But the word is seldom used today, replaced by the planer manners, or by some circumlocution.  Etiquette is no longer taught in school, though behavior or conflict management sometimes is, and a good hunk of that subject turns out to be etiquette, barely disguised.

So, I was surprised to find speaker, Rachel Wagner, listing herself as an etiquette coach on the agenda of a meeting of the SMPS Oklahoma Chapter.  Can one actually make a living using those words to describe yourself, I wondered.  I also reflected on the importance of etiquette in selling professional services.  When  you are selling professional services, at the very least it:

•    Ensures you show all you deal with appropriate respect,
•    Helps you get through potentially awkward situations,
•    Shows you to be a socially adept, considerate person.

This made me want to talk with Ms. Wagner, even more.  (I would normally have called her simply Wagner at this point, but because I am writing about an etiquette, I decided to err on the polite side and include the Ms.)  In this post, I will share our initial interview.  In a second, to appear in about a month, I will present her with several potentially awkward selling situations to see how she would react with no time to prepare.  After all, an etiquette expert should be able to deal with unexpected, tetchy situations with aplomb.  She, good sport, has accepted the challenge.

Q: How did you get interested in etiquette and become an expert in it?

Wagner: Etiquette has always been a topic of great interest—my office bookshelves are proof! So, after a successful teaching career, I traded my 8th grade classroom for the corporate training room.   My ultimate goal was to attend the Protocol School of Washington (PSOW) in Washington, D.C. which I did in 2006 and received certification as a Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol Consultant. I consider myself a continual learner in all areas of business etiquette, and I work hard at keeping up with the most contemporary, universally-accepted business etiquette, especially in fast-changing areas like on-line communications.

Q: How does etiquette differ from manners?

Wagner: Manners is really all about “being mindful” of others and making them feel respected and valued. Etiquette is more or less the “how to” of manners—knowing what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. To illustrate, let me give you several examples. We all know it’s “good manners” to make business introductions. The “etiquette” is to say the name and firm of the most senior person first. It’s good manners to give a handshake. The etiquette is to extend your hand with the fingers out and thumb up and connect web to web with two firm pumps (no limp fish handshakes!). It’s good manners to entertain a prospect for lunch. Proper etiquette includes seating your guest correctly (to the right of the host), navigating the place setting (start with the outer silverware and work in), making menu suggestions to discreetly show the limits of your hospitality, and insuring that your guest’s order is taken first.

Good etiquette skills are vital for any firm to be competitive—to get new sales and to enjoy strong repeat business. These are the skills that set professionals apart and firms apart from their competition, no matter what service they offer.

Q: Do the terms professional etiquette and sales etiquette have any special meaning to you and to what extent does each differ from regular old etiquette?

Wagner: Professional etiquette and sales etiquette are both subsets of business etiquette. Especially in today’s economic climate, it’s vital that every member and associate of a firm have a fully equipped tool box of business etiquette knowledge.  “Professional etiquette” refers to ways you deal with others in your profession, such as the way an accountant, whom a client has replaced with another firm, provides information on the account to his replacements.  “Sales etiquette” refers to how you manage sales interactions, such as how you talk with a prospective client whom you meet at a social gathering and who is not looking for a sales pitch. “Regular old etiquette” is vital for a polished image, and includes sending appropriate thank you notes, standing for a handshake, and knowing when and how to offer your business card.

Q: Can you cite an example where etiquette made a difference in the sale of a professional service?

Wagner: I chose not to use a certain financial planning firm after my initial phone inquiry did not result in a timely call back with the information requested. Not only that, another associate of the firm was repeatedly unresponsive to my emails. In fact, I finally had to call and ask if my email questions had been received.  Of course, this is poor service, but it is also inconsiderate.  Even if a professional isn’t interested in a person’s business, proper etiquette dictates that the person receive a prompt and polite response.  Poor “tech etiquette” resulted in a poor first impression of this firm. I’m sure they would have done a fine job of managing my portfolio, but that initial first impression kept them from having the opportunity to prove themselves, because few of us will knowingly select an inconsiderate person to do costly and sensitive professional work.  Little things, such as timely tech-communication skills, do matter in giving a positive image of a firm!

Q: Do you think professionals are held to a higher standard of etiquette than other business people?

Wagner: I think it’s assumed that anyone wearing a suit has a high etiquette IQ—and most do. Because professionals are highly educated, expected to be intelligent, and are perceived to hold high status positions, lapses in etiquette can be seen as arrogance or patronization.  You don’t want to get labeled as a stereotypical arrogant, elitist, self-absorbed professional.

Not everyone who climbs the professional career ladder in a firm is necessarily equipped with the etiquette and social skills to match their new level of influence and leadership. For example, at a Chamber of Commerce event, I observed professional higher-ups with less than impeccable table manners. These same professionals also rudely pecked away on their BlackBerry during the meeting and in a face-to-face conversation with someone.

Q: What rules of etiquette would you most want a professional about to attend an association event to remember?

Wagner: Research shows that approximately 75 percent of us have anxiety about attending an event in which we must meet and greet and make small talk with others. These four rules of etiquette can help make association events less stressful and can enhance your visibility, credibility, and profitability.

1. Remind yourself that you go to the event as a representative of your firm, a walking, talking demonstration of what it might be like to work with.  Yes, greet your peers, but don’t hang out with them all evening.   Remind yourself that it is your responsibility to make sure the people you talk with come away feeling good about you and the firm.  This is usually more a function of asking them questions about something they are interested in, addressing them by name, making sure that everyone in a group has a chance to be heard, than saying something profound yourself.
2. Prepare for the event.  There is proper etiquette for introducing yourself and others, for starting conversations, for breaking into groups, for taking your leave from a conversation, and for dinner table conversation, as examples.  Look into how to handle these things if you are unsure.  My e-newsletter, The Savvy Professional (which you can sign up for at www.EtiquetteTrainer.com), covers many such topics and there are a number of good books on the subject.
3. Don’t head straight to the food and beverage area when you arrive. First mix and mingle. The food is secondary. And when you do go through the food line, never pile your plate. It’s better to eat something before you go than to appear too hungry. An additional tip is to hold your food or beverage in your left hand so that your right hand is always free for a handshake when you meet or greet others.
4. Afterwards drop quick notes to people you met, showing that you remember something special about them.

Q: How do you determine appropriate etiquette in fast changing areas like the internet and social networking?

Wagner: You have to observe, read and research.  (A good book on the subject is The Hamster Revolution: How to Manage Your Email Before It Manages You by Mike Song, Tim Burress and Vicki Halsey.)  I have three suggestions that will help you steer a course even in this rapidly changing area:

1. Don’t be misled by the reputation that email and other forms of electronic communication have for informality.  They are rapidly gaining formality, at least in business circles. When in doubt, err on the side of more formality for a positive image of your firm’s brand–in your emails and on professional networking sites such as LinkedIn.
2. Recognize which of two kinds of exchange you are engaged in, either a conversation with a lot of rapid back-and-forthing or a more deliberate correspondence.  The latter requires more formality. But, good writing style is mandatory in all business emails, including proper spelling (that includes no texting language), grammar, and punctuation.
3. Don’t mistake informality with lack of personal consideration.  Always begin an email with a salutation, if only the person’s first name.  As a best practice, include “dear” or “hello” before the person’s name, especially to business associates, prospective clients, and clients. Except in rapid exchanges, such as when you are back-and-forthing over a meeting date, always include at least a brief personal note, such as It’s good to hear you are doing well or Congratulations on the … or Give so-and-so my best or the like.  Always close with your name.  There are many more tech etiquette rules and the number of those rules is expanding rapidly.

“I’m no good at small talk,” someone I am coaching told me yesterday.  I hear this from time to time in the course of my work.  The speaker is usually an introvert, faced with the need to attend an association event or to develop closer relationships with clients.  An introvert myself, I had to deal with this issue long ago.  My answer to this admission is always the same: there is no such thing as small talk.  There is business talk and there is relationship talk.  All conversation with a client belongs in one of these two categories.

It is impossible to have much of a relationship someone whom you know nothing about.  So-called small talk gives you many types of information about t he person you are speaking with; including background, habits, hobbies and sense of humor, just for starters; that let you build a relationship.  There is nothing small about these kinds of information.

Relationship’s are based, among other things, on shared experiences and mutual help.  So-called small talk allows you to recognize a past shared experience, whether it be experiences with a mutual friend who makes you both laugh or with a teenage child’s behavior that makes you both want to cry, with a client you have both worked for or with a problem you have both worked on.  Small talk gives you ideas about arranging experiences to share with client in the future, such as an association event or a night at the opera.

And small talk gives you information you need to help the client.  There are countless examples of this.  An actuary listening to a client’s venting about frustrations with a contractor who went bankrupt and disappeared half way through roofing her house was able to recommend another roofer.  A consultant was able to refer a client to his wife, a dentist, when the client’s child needed emergency attention.  A recruiter was able to advise a client’s child on his first job search.  All of these things happened, because the professionals in question had listened to so-called small talk.

If you think you’re no good at small talk, try the following:

• Try to find out something interesting about the person you are talking with.  People are usually interesting when they talk about things they are interested in.  Keeping the conversation going will be easy once you find such a topic.  This is standard advice to people learning to network.  It’s standard, because it works.

• Ask about the person’s family.  This is an especially productive subject if the person you’re talking to has children.  Almost everybody likes talking about their children, and the subject is a great social leveler.  You can talk about shared experiences with children with the chairman of the board or with the janitor, with someone who lives across the street from you or with someone who lives on the other side of the world.

• Use the person’s demeanor as a signal for starting a conversation.  You look like you are in a rush today.  You look a bit worried.  My, you look happy today.  Used selectively, words like these will usually start a conversation about something important to the other person.

• Key off a signal provided by the other person.  A tie with pictures of anchors on it signals a sailor.  A diploma hanging on an office wall will tell you the name of a person’s alma mater.  A trophy indicates passion and success in some area.

Anyone can learn to make small talk.  All it takes is an interest in the other person and a willingness to ask questions.

For more on this subject, see the post Networking Tips for Introverts.

In an earlier post (Seeing Events Through a Rainmaker’s Eyes, Part 1) I described how rainmakers tend to see things differently from the rest of us. In that post I provided examples of two things that we might see as negative that a rainmaker is likely to see more positively. They also tend to see as positive things that we hardly note at all. Here are three examples of that:

-
An extra person from a client organization turns up for a meeting about our work.

• How we might see it: A need for an extra set of the documents we provided
• How rainmakers see it: Another person in the client organization for me to know and a potential future client, herself

A client calls, asking for a small amount of additional information.

• How we might see it: A need to provide a small additional service within the scope of our work or another to-do list item
• How rainmakers see it: A possible reason to go see the client and for a conversation that can cover other things I want to hear about, too

A break is called at a meeting attended by many members of the client organization.

• How we might see it: A chance to check email and voicemail
• How rainmakers see it: A chance to meet and advance relationships

As before, it is not that the rainmakers are right and the rest of us are wrong. All of the interpretations listed are reasonable. But rainmakers see opportunities for small advances in developing relationships that may lead to more business. By taking advantage of many such small opportunities, they sometimes get an assignment. We can, too. If we work at it, we can teach ourselves to see these opportunities, too.

(This post is another in our series of Rainmaking Problems. We invite your comments on this problem and would also welcome any problems you would like to submit to get comments from other readers.)

Over the past twenty years a handful of companies have prospered by running what I call lead junkets. A class of corporate manager; human resources managers, facilities managers, financial managers or some other group; are invited on an expenses-paid trip to a resort or on a cruise ship for an event with some educational content. In return they agree to participate in a set number of short meetings with people who would like to sell to them. The sellers pay a fee to attend and also get a set number of meetings with the buyers with additional opportunities to rub elbows with all attending buyers at receptions, meals and the like.

These can be pricey events, costing a seller over $10,000 plus travel expenses.  In return they are promised twenty uninterrupted minutes to pitch their wares to each of the twelve buyers. Though some sorting and matching of buyers and sellers may be done by the organizers, the sellers do not get to pick whom they meet with. Also the organizers restrict attendance by sellers who compete with each other.

The appeal of the lead junket is having prospective clients delivered to you with little effort on your part. It all seems so painless, compared to cold calling, attending association meetings, giving speeches and all of the harder ways to generate leads.

I acknowledge that I have never attended a lead junket and my skeptical view of them is reflected in the term I use to describe them. In my experience, those who want their firms to send them on these jaunts are usually those most uncomfortable with other kinds of lead generation. They are looking for fixes with a minimal feeling of rejection.

I get asked about lead junkets four or five times a year.
My question is, when, if ever, are lead junkets worth the cost? In your response, please note whether or not you have ever attended one. If you have had good or bad outcomes, I would like to hear them.  Please do not name the operator of the event in your comment.  Also, if you work for or are an investor in a firm running this kind of event, please state that in your response.

There is a good post by Julie Fleming on working a holiday party. If there is a party in your future you might well find it helpful.

Guest Blogger:  Gary Pines

We attend events: association meetings, conferences, seminars, and charity dinners.  We go for many reasons, and high among them is to meet more people whom we can add to our network be they prospective clients or influencers

Too often, after leaving the event, we realize we have failed to come away with quality new contacts or reasons to follow up with those we did meet.  Why does this happen? Often because we don’t prepare sufficiently.  At other times, it’s because we simply go with the flow of the meeting instead of actively seeking out those we want to meet.  Like any other performing art, working a room requires practicing the basics, again and again.  Basics, in this context, aren’t just for beginners.  Professional performers review them, too.

I have coached groups of professionals on how to try to get the most out of an event they are about to attend.  One group was determined to get a return for time and money they would expend on an evening event.  They arrived early, met the staff and even helped set up.  They met the other early attendees who had no one else to speak with.  As they moved on from attendee to attendee, they worked it like professionals, especially compared to their competitors who were standing around talking to each other.  And it all paid off.  By the end of the event, each professional had:
 
·  three to five quality people to follow-up with,
·  gained a lot of confidence and comfort with the process, and
·  had fun doing it.

So what should you do to get this kind of result:

1. Arrive early. Meet the staff and ask if you can help them.  You may want to follow-up with them. Plus, they can introduce you to people you want to meet and brief you on logistics of the evening.  Often, name tags are arrayed on a table, so you can see who else is attending.

2. Start working the room early. Meet the first attendees. They will have no one else to talk to, so that you have a better chance to get to know them than you will those who come late.

3. Break into conversations in a professional manner. 

a)       Look for these opportunities:

1)       The Lone Ranger:  Anyone standing by himself is usually delighted when someone approaches to talk.

2)       The V Stance:   When two people are talking and have opened a path by forming a “V” with their bodies, they are asking for you to come and join them.

b)       Try these techniques:

1)       Make Eye Contact:  Look people in the eye as you walk by.  If they respond with eye contact even briefly, it means you can begin a conversation.

2)       Get in Line: Find a line, almost any line, and get in it.  Whether it’s the sign-in line, the line to the bar or to the buffet, the people immediately in front and in back of you will gladly talk.

3)       Stand Near the Entrance:  Stand by the entrance where everyone comes in, have a smile on your face and many people will talk with you.

4)       Break Bread:  Once seated, talk with the people on either side of you, and try to get the whole table into a conversation.  If it is a buffet, you can of then move to a different table for each course.  (Also, see posting, Three Ways to Get a Good Seat.)

3)       Ask questions:  Start a conversation with a question, or with a short statement immediately followed by a question: “What brings you to this great event.”  or  “I’m John Smith and have come by to meet you.  I was hoping you could tell me a little about . . .” or “Do you know much about the guest speaker?”  Continue to ask question with an eye to learning about the other people.  Learn about them! 

4)       Determine follow-ups:  While talking with people, determine whom you would want to follow-up with. Listen intently to these people, listening especially for some excuse to follow up with them.  Then exchange cards and comment on continuing the conversation at another time.
So … prepare and be proactive. 

You invest a lot of your time to attend at event, so work it hard to get a decent return on that investment.

When you consider the value of your time, registration fees and the travel expenses, attending a multi-day conference costs a bundle.  You will get a better return on your investment, if you prepare for it well in advance.  Here are some things you should do to get ready:

1>     Review the agenda:  Figure out in advance what is happening when.  There will be some sessions that offer better opportunities for you than others, such as a breakout session dealing with your specialty.  At some conferences you must sign up for sessions in advance and seats are limited, so it pays to sign up early.

If some items in the agenda are unclear to you, you have a chance to find out what they mean in advance.

2>     Review who is likely to attend:  Ask the organizers for a list of attendees, so that you can see who will be there that you know already and whom you want to meet.  This can help you target your efforts.  It can also save you from attending a conference with too few of the right people.  Make a list of those you want to meet or catch up with and don’t forget to consider the speakers and association staff members when you do.

Use your review of the agenda and attendees to help formulate questions (What does “mixer night” mean?  How is transportation to the local site visits handled?)

3>     Ask for a briefing:  Every association has its own subculture with its own customs and behaviors.  Calling someone who has attended the conference in previous years can help you prepare for the one coming up.  For example, one association held a reception the opening night of every three-day annual conference, but let members arrange for their own dinners afterwards.  If you didn’t know this in advance, you were likely to end up eating alone, while those who had planned ahead ate with prospective clients they had invited weeks before.  Some hospitality suites are traditionally the most popular at an annual conference.  Knowing that can save you time. 

4>     Arrange meetings in advance:  Among the biggest advantages of conferences is the opportunity to meet many new people in a field quickly.  You will increase the probability of meeting a person if she agrees to see you in advance at a specific time and place during the conference.  

A second big advantage of attending a conference is the chance to get face to face with a lot of people you know already, but haven’t seen for a while.  This is especially valuable with people hard to see either because they live far away from you or because they are too busy to meet at other times.  Could we meet at the buffet line and grab a quick breakfast together Tuesday morning?  How about meeting for a drink after the educational sessions end on Monday?  I’m getting in early on Sunday, too, so maybe we could . . .  Plan meetings in advance.

5>     Sign up early:  There are several reasons to sign up early.  First, that gets you priority listing to stay at the main hotel—you don’t want to stay any place else, if you can avoid it—and for breakout sessions or other limited seating activities.  All of these are usually (and largely) assigned on a first-come-first-served basis.  You can also block the days in your calendar, increasing the likelihood that you can fend off other claims for those days.  Those who sign up early usually get a discount on the registration fee.
 
6>     Ask a client to show you the ropes:  A client who is happy with the work you are doing is usually glad to do you a favor.  If one attends a conference regularly, ask her if she would let you tag along with her for half a day, so that she can introduce you to people whom she knows and get her insights into the association and conference. That will shorten your learning curve and help you reduce the time needed to enter the organization’s miniature society.   She is also likely to introduce you with words that it would be immodest for you to use when talking about yourself.

7>     Schedule visits in town immediately before or after the conference:  If you are going to incur the cost of an airline ticket and hotel stay, get more for your money by arranging to see clients and other key contacts in the destination city.  These can be set up for either before or after the conference.

8>     Rehearse your elevator speech:  Prepare your elevator speech or a couple of versions of it, so that it comes out comfortably when required.  See my blog postings on how to construct an elevator speech.

9>     Research primary targets:  After identifying people you hope to meet at the conference, research the most important ones.  That will help you prepare for conversations with them.  Find out if anyone in your firm already knows them and so can tell you about them. Do a quick Google search.  If you know someone working in the same company as a person you want to meet, maybe she would be able to provide you with some background on the target.

10>       Prepare some conversation starters:  Conversation starters are questions or short statements followed by questions that engage a contact in a conversation and get her talking.  They can be about anything; flight delays coming into the conference, outcomes of recent sporting events, that day’s headlines; so they aren’t hard to come up with.  Still, all else being equal, you would rather have a contact talk about an issue related to the type of service you offer than not.  It can be useful to plan a few conversations starters in advance, so that they come to you naturally at the conference (While I’m here I would like to do a quick survey of how firms are reacting to the new regulation.  Is it affecting you much? or I’d like to get your opinion on . . . )
Of course, you need to take plenty of business cards and a small notebook to jot down information you learn about conference attendees and commitments you have made to follow up.

Finally, don’t let your planning become so rigid that if prevents you from taking advantages of serendipitous opportunities as they occur.  Conferences tend to be full of them (see Rainmaker Story # 7-  David’s Breakfast or Get it While You Can)

By Gary Pines

I attend breakfast, lunch and dinner events.  I attend conferences and seminars.  I attend to network and to meet people, and to learn what’s going on in my market.  But I do not meet enough people. I seem to get stuck talking with one person, spending half an hour when I should have moved on after a ten-minute conversation.  What can I do to change this?

This is a common scenario.  We do not meet enough people at events, even though that was our primary reason for going.  As a rule of thumb, we should talk to no less than four people over half an hour of mixing, unless, of course, we team up with an important client or prospective client who wants to talk to us about something important.  Instead of working the room, we let ourselves get stuck with one person.

To fix the problem, it helps to understand why we let it happen, in the first place.  There are three reasons.  First, we, ourselves, feel awkward starting conversations, so staying with one lets us avoid having to do so. 

Second, it relieves us of the awkwardness of standing alone, trying to decide who to try to strike up with a conversation next and how to do it. 

Third, we don’t want to be rude or to hurt someone’s feelings in the way we break off a conversation.  Social inertia makes it easier to continue talking with one person, rather than to go out and find others.

Knowing how to break away from a conversation promptly and tactfully alleviates many of these problems.  You can escape by saying any of the following:

1.       I really have enjoyed our conversation.   I know we both want to meet more people. Let’s exchange business cards and keep in touch (or if you do not want to exchange cards, Maybe we can reconnect later.) 

2.       I really have enjoyed our conversation. But I need to look for and find the people I invited (or the people that invited me). 

3.       Do you know Mary Smith?  Mary, come over here for a minute, please.  I’d like to introduce you to John Doe.  He has been telling me about how his firm deals with X.  Have you been faced with that issue.  Note: after the introduction you can excuse yourself.

Try out these or similar words and see how many more people you can meet at the events you attend.

Note:  Many people recommend the I-must-refresh-my-drink escape.  I don’t find it effective, because, too often your contact wants another drink, too.